I Kissed A Girl
by vericus
Summary: slash - Maggie gets to greet the newest Autobot arrival on earth, and discovers one more reason the boys and men in America would love their new alien friends. And it just goes downhill from there. Rating for profanity.
1. I Kissed A Girl

**Warnings:** Holoforms and fanboy fanservice

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Author's Note:** I hate the fragging song. I have to hear it pretty much _every _day at work, because it just happens to be number one on the charts in Canada. And it keeps getting stuck in my head. And so, naturally, it took advantage of my late-night over-tired reading of Insecticomics and sprouted this little drabble. Definitely a one-shot.

- **I Kissed a Girl **-

"So what's this new guy like?" Maggie asked as took a sip of her milkshake and watched the cars pass by outside the truck stop.

"Hm -boring, logical, by-the-book, emotionally detached." the busty black-skinned beauty across from her replied, poking at one of the fries on Maggie's plate curiously. Maggie had no fear of it being stolen, however, as she knew the woman across from her couldn't eat. Hell, technically the 'woman' wasn't even real, let alone female. It had taken Maggie and the other humans awhile to get used to the Autobot's odd holoforms - from Prime's practical definition of bishonen to Ironhide's Goth look, they weren't exactly what was expected - but when it came down to it, Jazz deciding for some odd reason that he wanted a female holoform was one of the least strange.

"So, Spock?" Maggie inquired, and there was an almost imperceptible stillness as the reference was looked up.

"Sorta. He hasn't sworn off of emotions, he just doesn't show them often. I used to figure that he just thought that as Prime's second-in-command, he _shouldn't_ show emotion, but I think he was like that even before the war." Jazz replied, chuckling. Maggie nodded and popped a few fries into her mouth, only to frown as she swallowed them, a thought occurring to her.

"Wait, his second-in-command? I thought you were." she said.

"Only for this unit. Technically I'm the head of the Autobot army special operations division, and third on the food chain. Possibly fourth. Depends if Ultra Magnus stops being a wimp and actually accepts the fact that he's in a command position." the holoform replied.

"Ultra Magnus?" Maggie said, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah, big guy, looks a lot like Prime, but has more of a sense of humour and less of a desire to lead. He and Prime go way back." was the reply. Maggie nodded again and had a few more fries.

"So why didn't we detect this guy landing?" she asked.

"He ain't called 'Prowl' for nothing." Jazz replied dryly. "_I _have a hard time picking him up if he doesn't want me to - your scanners, no offence, don't really stand a chance."

"None taken." Maggie said easily, then glanced out the window as the holoform straightened, gaze focused outside. Maggie arched her eyebrow again as she saw a highway patrol car pulling into the parking lot. Somehow, she wasn't surprised when it pulled into the stall next to the shiny silver Pontiac solstice that she'd arrived in, but she had a suspicion that things were about to get interesting - and complicated - when the patrol car parked so close that the two car's side mirrors practically touched. That suspicion grew exponentially as a female patrol officer that could have easily passed for a supermodel stepped out of the driver's seat.

Maggie glanced over at the woman across from her, and mentally groaned as she saw the wide grin on 'her' face. Then she groaned out loud as she looked around the truck stop and found most patrons' - and staff members' - attention focused on the new arrival as she entered and headed straight for Maggie and Jazz's table. By the time the 'patrol officer' reached their table, Maggie was ready for just about anything - except what happened.

The hoots and whistles from the patrons were vaguely noted by some part of Maggie's brain, but the majority of it was being used up for the task of gaping and trying to comprehend just _why_ two _alien robots_, who she had been assured were both of the _male_ gender for their species, decided to use _female_ human holoforms to make out in the middle of a truck stop. She still hadn't figured out why when they finally broke apart and decided to have a seat, the patrol officer blushing furiously at the attention from the rest of the people, while the black beauty grinned and waved before sitting. Maggie stared between the two of them, unsure what to say, and eventually decided to go with the first thing that had popped into her head -

"So does this make you gay or lesbian?"

**- THE END -**

_I kissed a girl and I liked it_

_The taste of her cherry chap stick_

_I kissed a girl just to try it_

_I hope my boyfriend don't mind it_

_It felt so wrong_

_It felt so right_

_Don't mean I'm in love tonight_

_I kissed a girl and I liked it_

_I liked it_

_- "I Kissed A Girl", Katy Perry_


	2. Crazy Bitch

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Author's Note:** Totally and entirely the fault of whoever was in charge of music at O'Hanlon's the last time Caz and I went.

**- Crazy Bitch -**

Jazz looped his holoform's arm through Prowl's as they entered the club, glaring at several human males that were eyeing up the blonde bombshell that the tactician had constructed for his holoform. It was a rather silly thing to do, considering why they were actually there, but Jazz felt the need to stake his claim, and knew Prowl wouldn't accept a public make-out session when they had a mission to complete. Though, as Jazz finished glaring at the men and let his gaze drift to the dance floor, he realized that their mission wasn't going to take very long.

"Is that...?" Prowl trailed off, staring at the dance floor with wide eyes.

"I can't think of anyone else vain enough to make their holoform into a blonde-haired Caucasian version of Angelina Jolie." Jazz replied with amusement.

"Who?" Prowl's puzzlement was clear, though he seemed unable to look away from the dance floor.

"Famous human actress. Supposedly one of the most beautiful women alive right now." Jazz replied dryly.

"Oh." Prowl said. "And dancing with him...?"

"Tall, lanky, black haired and hawk-nosed? Yeah. Get close enough and I bet you'll hear his screechy voice." Jazz replied. Prowl's reply was lost as a flash of light caught Jazz's attention, and he looked to the side of the dance floor, where three men stood. Two of them looked similar to the man on the dance floor, while the other looked vaguely like some movie star Jazz couldn't quite place. One of the two that looked similar was snapping away furiously with a disposable camera, while the other two were standing back and watching, smirks on both their faces.

"C'mon," Jazz said as he then spotted the sign proclaiming it to be Karaoke night, using his arm still looped through Prowl's to drag him forwards. "This is too good to pass up."

--

**Half an hour earlier...**

"No."

"Awww, c'mon!"

"No."

"Pleeeeease?"

"No." Sideswipe gave his twin his best 'lost little sparkling' look, but Sunstreaker just glared back. Though he'd never admit is to his brother, Sideswipe somehow found the glare even more intimidating when coming from the female holoform, and cringed slightly. Sunstreaker, seeming satisfied, turned back to the bar. "If you want to make a fool of yourself, feel free, but I will not be a part of it." Sideswipe grinned broadly at that, willing to accept that much from his twin, and took off for the Karaoke sign-up.

Surprisingly, it wasn't more than a few minutes before Sunstreaker, still at the bar, heard the unmistakable sound of Sideswipe singing. It wasn't that Sideswipe was a bad singer, or particularly good - it was just that Sunstreaker could always recognize his brother's voice. As Sunstreaker swiveled back around to watch, he couldn't help but muse that the holoform added a nice..._richness_ to Sideswipe's voice.

_"Get your motor runnin'_

_Head out on the highway_

_Lookin' for adventure_

_And whatever comes our way_

_Yeah Darlin' go make it happen_

_Take the world in a love embrace_

_Fire all of your guns at once_

_And explode into space"_

Sunstreaker watched his twin for the first verse of the song, then turned to look over the crowd. It wasn't long before he noticed a space opening in front of the stage, a single figure moving in the center. Looking up at Sideswipe, he saw his brother's appreciative gaze on the dancer, and curiously, Sunstreaker left his seat and wove through the crowd to see. When he reached the edge of the empty dance floor, Sunstreaker found himself unimpressed. The woman dancing in front of him now was aesthetically pleasing enough, but she had an air about her that he didn't like. Plus she was a fleshy organic making eyes at his twin, expecting_ dancing_ to impress him. Granted, Sideswipe did seem to be enjoying the show, but Sunstreaker wasn't, and he decided to end it.

Accessing the internet quickly and finding all he could on human dance styles, Sunstreaker quickly choreographed something to put the other woman to shame, and with a wiggle of his feminine holoform's hips, he stepped out into the empty floor space around the woman, smirking at the humans around him. He heard Sideswipe's voice falter, a hint of a laugh escaping, before he focused on the beat and his rival, then let himself loose.

Quickly becoming caught up in the music and his improvised dance, Sunstreaker didn't notice when the human woman slunk off the dance floor in shame, only noticing his surroundings when the song wound to a close. There was cheering and hollering, and Sunstreaker smirked and gave a flip of his holoform's long blonde hair. He might have left the floor then, but the woman who he'd chased off the dance floor was climbing onto the stage, challenge in her eyes as she stepped up to the microphone. Sunstreaker smirked again, and waited for her to started singing.

_"Break me down,_

_you got a lovely face,_

_we're going to your place_

_now you got to freak me out_

_Scream so loud,_

_getting fucking laid,_

_you want me to stay_

_but I got to make my way_

_Hey! You're a crazy bitch,_

_but you fuck so good I'm on top of it._

_When I dream I'm doing you all night,_

_Scratches all down my back to keep me right on."_

As he moved to the music, Sunstreaker almost wished Sideswipe would join him for this, since it would be best to have a partner for it, but his twin had no sense of rhythm. Fortunately, someone else _much_ more adept stepped up to the plate after the first repetition of the chorus. The human male was not exactly handsome, by the human definition, but he had a certain aspect that Sunstreaker's Cybertronian aesthetics found...pleasing. He suspected it was the lanky but obviously muscled and dexterous form, which would speak of an ability to survive on the now war-torn Cybertron.

Regardless, the male was a good dancer, and seemed to have had experience dancing with a partner before, so Sunstreaker eagerly accepted his presence as he danced first to the woman's song, and then kept on as others got up to sing.

Perhaps if he hadn't been so distracted, he might have registered something odd about the man he was dancing with, or noticed what was going on off the dance floor. But caught up as he was, Sunstreaker didn't.

--

On the edge of the dance floor, Sideswipe watched his brother dance with the human male thoughtfully, trying to figure out why the man seemed so familiar. There was just something about him that made Sideswipe think he'd seen him before. That same something seemed to suggest that he should be worried about seeing the man with Sunstreaker, but a human couldn't possibly hurt a Cybertronian, so Sideswipe dismissed that as himself being over-protective. Still, there was...something.

A tap on his shoulder startled Sideswipe from his thoughts, and he whirled to find two men standing behind him. One had a hand clamped over his own mouth, clearly holding in laughter, while the other was obviously struggling to keep a straight face. They both looked similar enough to the man on the dance floor with Sunstreaker that Sideswipe assumed they were all brothers, and his worries weren't eased any as he realized they had that same quality to them that put Sideswipe on edge.

"Can I help you?" Sideswipe asked warily.

"Maybe." the barely straight-faced man replied, and his voice stirred something in Sideswipe's memory. His holoform's eyes narrowed as he tried to place it, and then the man spoke again, leaning in close to ensure no one overheard. "Depends if you're close enough to get pictures." he said, motioning to the dance floor with a jerk of his head.

With more of a sample of his voice, the identity of the 'man' slipped into place, and Sideswipe jerked away with wide eyes. He glanced to the other man, who promptly collapsed against his friend, shaking with silent laughter. Then, with a horrified expression, Sideswipe looked out at the dance floor.

"Is that -"

"Apparently being the foremost aerial combat pilot on Cybertron translates into being an excellent dancer." was the reply, and Sideswipe winced. Then, as something occurred to him, he gave the two men suspicious looks.

"He doesn't know, does he?" Sideswipe asked.

"No. We tried to tell him, but he was all about 'testing out the holoforms'." the same man replied with a smirk.

"So we figured we'd just get pictures and use it as our blackmail material for the next billion vorns." his laughing companion got out between snickers.

"Unfortunately your friends are in the city, and even if they weren't, you'd both detect us trying to get close enough, and then the show would end."

"When did you even get here? I thought Barricade was the only one of you left on the planet alive?" Sideswipe queried.

"We followed you down." was the cheerful reply from the one that had been laughing. "We were intending to take you out before the rest of your friends got to you, but then you went in here, and Screamer decided to test out our improved holoforms."

"Huh." Sideswipe said, looking back at the dance floor with amusement.

"Yeah. So can you get pictures?" the more serious one asked.

"Nope." Sideswipe said with a shake of his head. "But hey, you're Con's, go steal somebody else's camera."

"Decepticons are not common thieves." was the stoic reply.

"Who fragging cares when we've got _that_ to take pictures of?!" his companion replied with a grin, then took off into the crowd. Sideswipe and the remaining man turned to watch the dance floor. After a few moments, Sideswipe jerked, eyes wide.

"Did he just -"

"Grope your brother's aft? Yes, I believe he did."

"I want copies."

"Done."

They watched in silence for a few more moments, and then the other 'man' came back, grinning like a Cheshire cat and holding a disposable camera.

"Y'know, maybe these squishies aren't all that bad. All I had to mention was that those two usually are at each other's throats and that apparently they can't recognize each other right now and we'd really really like some blackmail and they practically shoved this thing into my hands." he said, waving it about, then peered at it closely. "Now, how do you work it?" Sideswipe, quickly accessing the internet, went over and showed the Con, and then stepped back and watched as he began snapping pictures furiously. He quickly ran out of film, and ran off to a different section of the club, coming back quickly with another camera. This time, he was more careful with his shots, but he slowed down considerably as his attention was caught by the newest singer to take the stage.

Dark-skinned, big chested, and curvy in all the right places, even aliens had to admit she was attractive - and then she opened her mouth to sing. Whoever she was, Sideswipe would be surprised if she wasn't actually a famous singer. The rich, velvety quality to her voice didn't exactly fit the song, but it added a twist to it, making it unique enough from the original that it would have made a decent, and probably quite popular, remake.

_"I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright_

_Gonna let it all hang out_

_Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice_

_Yeah, I wanna scream and shout_

_No inhibitions-make no conditions_

_Get a little outta line_

_I ain't gonna act politically correct_

_I only wanna have a good time_

_The best thing about being a woman_

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun_

_Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady_

_Men's shirts-short skirts_

_Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style_

_Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction_

_Color my hair-do what I dare_

_Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!"_

Sideswipe's eyes met with the singer's on the last line of the chorus, and she smirked as she kept on singing. Sideswipe frowned - he knew that smirk. But from where? Glancing around in the hopes of getting an idea, his eyes settled on the blonde supermodel leaning against the side of the stage, an irritated look on her face. Oddly, the look seemed to be more for the woman on stage than the men surrounding her, and Sideswipe blinked. He knew that stance, and that look. He'd had the irritation aimed his way often enough. Grinning, he leaned forward an caught the arm of the Con taking pictures.

"Take some pictures of the chick on stage, and the one standing beside it." he said at the curious look.

"Why?" the Con asked, even as he did as asked.

"Because I want pictures of Prowl and Jazz as femmes to traumatize people with." Sideswipe said with a smirk. The Con's heads whipped around to stare at him, and then they looked at the two women and snickered. They may not have seen the resemblance, but they would take Sideswipe's word for it. Since he was taking pictures of Prowl and Jazz, the Con with the camera missed when Sunstreaker first glanced up at the stage, but Sideswipe didn't.

Surprise flittered through his bond with his twin, and Sideswipe's grin threatened to split his face as Sunstreaker caught sight of Prowl, and the pieces slowly clicked into place. Sunstreaker met Sideswipe's eyes over his dancing partner's shoulder, glaring furious, and Sideswipe merely pointed to the two men he was standing with. It didn't take long after that for Sunstreaker to connect the rest of the dots, and fortunately the end of Jazz's song covered Sunstreaker's yelp as he jerked away and ran for Prowl. The 'man' he'd been dancing with looked over to his friends in confusion, and only then spotted Sideswipe. The Autobot grinned and waved, then made himself scarce as the holoform stalked in his direction, murder in his eyes.

"Heya Sides." Jazz said cheerfully as he climbed off the stage right as Sideswipe arrived.

"Heya." Sideswipe replied just as cheerfully.

"I'm going to murder you in your sleep." Sunstreaker said from where he was hiding behind Prowl, glaring over the tactician's shoulder at his twin. Sideswipe just snickered.

"I'm assuming you made Skywarp promise to send copies?" Jazz asked, eyes following the three Decepticon holoforms as they left the club, led by a scowling Starscream.

"Made Thundercracker promise, actually." Sideswipe said with a nod. "So he's not likely to forget about it, only to suddenly remember a few vorns from now."

"That's assuming Starscream doesn't wreck the camera." Prowl said, arching an eyebrow elegantly.

"Ah, that's why there's two." Sideswipe said with a smirk. "I have no idea where Skywarp hid the first one, but at least half the pictures are safe from the Screamer's wrath."

"Excellent." Jazz said with a grin.

"I don't suppose threatening you all with dismemberment would do anything to stop you?" Sunstreaker asked with a scowl.

"The first thing we built in our new base was the brig." Prowl replied evenly.

"Eesh. Those are some screwed up priorities." Sideswipe commented.

"Nah, we just knew you two were gonna be showin' up soon." Jazz replied, grin widening.

**- THE END -**


End file.
